Anxiety, you cruel mistress. Always the bearer of false bad news. Most days claiming a significant portion of my time so that I can convince myself that whatever I want to do isn’t stupid. That’s a gross oversimplification of the process and feelings but it can be generally equated to that sort of statement.
Decided to start on some things that I’ve wanted to do for awhile but had put off for a variety of reasons. These are more creative pursuits (which I will explain more about as they take some sort of tangible shape) and that causes me a great deal of anxiety. There comes a point of working on something for yourself where you look at the project and say “well, if I’m going to do this it’s going to take an incredibly insane amount of time and am I willing to have to have that conversation with friends and loved ones when they ask why I’m not available often…am I willing to do that or should I continue keeping ideas inside my head and do practical things like, I don’t know – eat fast food and watch family television. ” (Actual example of something I have said in my own mind)
So in short, there are some small goals. As progress happens I’ll be documenting it here. If you’re still reading this, thanks.
These last two weeks or so have been so overwhelming I’ve been without ability to write. My mind has been burdened by the struggle of everyday life. This post was my mind’s desire to write being honored briefly before I seek the rest I must truly need. I’m drunk enough to write but not drunk enough to want to do so.
My car has a name. It’s not something I’ve always done. Seemed silly. But then, I’ve never been emotionally attached to a car before…before now.
I didn’t realize how attached I was to this car until several problems all kicked in at once recently and I faced the possibility that the cost of repairing it might outweigh just buckling down and walking to work for awhile while I saved for another car. That’s when all of the memories that went with this car flashed through my mind. It was like losing a close friend. This car has traveled from Colorado to Virginia four times and from Baltimore, Maryland to San Diego, California, and a repeat trip from Richmond, Virginia to San Diego, California as well as side trips. It’s seen mountains and it’s seen plains. It’s been to the Grand Canyon and Mount Rushmore. My car has seen New York City, Jersey City, Reno, Las Vegas, Kansas City, Oklahoma City, and so many small towns I couldn’t remember them if I wanted to. I’ve shed tears in this car and I’ve slept in it. Hell, I’ve even had a gun pulled on me in this car.
Luckily there was at least a temporary solution to my problem with the car, which I will verify is still working tomorrow. So, Patronatron rests comfortably in it’s usual spot waiting to conquer the miles of highway laid out across this country.