I use the news app on my phone pretty frequently.  I’m aware this isn’t the best way to gather my information, passively.  Having keywords filtered through a surely limited selection of sources mostly dominated by those with the highest revenue generating content appealing to their key demographics, but, there’s no need to be a complete dick all the time so I browse a few big topics that way.  Satiates my desire for information I didn’t acquire through the old senses.  Because of the nature of business that comes even with the business of spreading information, I do have to scroll through quite a few articles about things I have no interest in but also typically am frustrated is covered as often or at all in major news sources.

I am of course talking about penises.  Or a penis, namely Donald Trump’s questionable member.  Not questionable because someone is really asking the question, but because it had become a subject of conversation on televised debates which are typically used to help people determine a candidate’s qualifications to be a presidential candidate.  This has sat in my head for weeks.  References to his hand size come up occasionally as jokes on late night shows, which The Donald assured us were fine and so was his package.  Besides the level of desire I had for any information regarding Mr. Trump and his hanging appendage being somewhere between accidentally sitting on a cactus and having a raging case of herpes manifest inside my dickhole, I found relief in the knowledge that this is no longer going to be an issue.

trump sad

We are at the tail end of a generation that can run for president and not have pictures of themselves basking in the full HD glory of poor lighting and even more poor decision making skills.  This is going to be a good thing though.  Even if someone disregards the inherent value of being able to give a good pull or flick of the bean (depending on genital possession) to the leader of the free world (cause who doesn’t get a little blood flow in the loins when checking out FDR in that classy chair, right?), there’s possibly an even greater value to be gained from all of the forgotten darkened bedroom selfies: there will no longer be a need to hear ridiculous claims that evidence can’t be presented to defend.  I won’t have to be assured that something is tremendous or wonderful without being able to have Google throw me a bone (see what I did there?).

In regards to governance, the flow of information is incredibly important.  Transparency in governing the United States was a important concept to the founding fathers with influential members of that group like Thomas Jefferson saying (in regards to finance): “We might hope to see the finances of the union as clear and intelligible as a merchant’s books, so that every member of Congress and every man of any mind in the Union should be able to comprehend them, to investigate abuses, and consequently to control them.”  These thoughts did not extend just to the cold numbers that represent the movement of wealth and resources but also to the character of the leaders opening and closing the valves on the pipeline these fiscal waters flow through.  You want to know who has their finger on the button.  Probably why John Adams wrote, “Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people, who have a right … to that most dreaded and envied kind of knowledge, I mean, of the character and conduct of their rulers.”

If there’s anything we will have in the future, it’s access to what kind of character our rulers have.  The full character.  In all of it’s wrinkled, liver-spotted glory.  It’ll probably even come with a publicly shared tax return.  More importantly, it’ll take the guesswork out of politics and we can choose based on what’s most important: genetically imparted traits that cannot be changed and aren’t affected by things like education, empathy, or understanding.  ‘Murica.

trump hair


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